


When The Demon Bought A Sybian

by Quefish



Series: The Sybian [2]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Brief mention of wings, Crowley Has A Vulva (Good Omens), Crowley Has a Penis (Good Omens), M/M, Masturbation, Multiple Orgasms, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn, Sybian, Wall Damage, broken furniture, mentioned relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2021-02-18 07:35:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21540724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quefish/pseuds/Quefish
Summary: Before he was able to play with Aziraphale and the Sybian, Crowley had to purchase it, and try it out himself, of course!This mentions his relationship with Aziraphale, but the angel doesn't appear except as a brief imaginary conversation.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: The Sybian [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1552156
Comments: 56
Kudos: 429





	When The Demon Bought A Sybian

**Author's Note:**

  * For [toxicpoisonedyouth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/toxicpoisonedyouth/gifts).



Crowley exited the bookshop, tossing a farewell over his shoulder. Had his lips not been kiss-swollen, he may have gotten away with the look of nonchalance. He was feeling edgy, he’d been too soft recently, time to do some deeds. Easiest way to do that is to use what humans are already doing and amp it up a bit, so he took a walk to a more adult establishment in the area. He looked up at the suggestive neon signs that advertised a lot of inclusive options. He chuckled and said, “Soho is for everybody.” With that he went inside.

Crowley was immediately disappointed. Other than the cashier at the counter, the shop was empty. He looked around with an annoyed groan. “Hey, man. Take your time, lot to look at. Let me know if you need anything.” 

Crowley looked at the man at the counter, who had barely looked up from his … Crowley squinted, thinking, _“Is that maths? What’ve they done to it?!”_

“Good deal, er, Ioan. Ioen, eh? Parents the religious types?” Ioen snorted a nod and rolled his eyes with a wry smile at Crowley. “Bet they love your job, eh?” 

“Oh they know I work here. They’re a bit on the nutter side with the God stuff, but they are real too. You know how weird it is to have your mum ask if you get an employee discount she can lean on?”

Crowley was so unprepared to laugh it came out like a half drowned bark. “Can’t say I do, Ioen. I’ll just look around a bit.”

“Sure thing, man. Let me know if you need help.” He bent his head back to his maths and left Crowley to roam.

The demon made a show of looking around, just in case someone came in for him to work on. _”Dildos, vibrators, what’s a fleshlight?”_ He picked up the package and looked at the back before chuckling and putting it back. _”Humans are too clever, they are so much fun. They’ll look for the most work-around way to get off thinking that getting off with another person is sinful or something.”_

He made his way through the Bachelorette Party section and briefly wondered if he could get Aziraphale to indulge in one of the lollipops. Crowley gave most of the hardcore BDSM section a pass, but took a moment to appreciate the craftsmanship of a couple sets of shackles. _”Wonder if he’d wear them if they came in tartan?”_ He actually made a sound that was part laugh and part what-the-Heaven-am-I-thinking?

“Y’alright back there?” Ioen’s voice came drifting to him.

“Yep, just wondering about tartan bondage gear.” 

“Uh, that’s probably more of a custom order thing, man. Sorry. I’ve got some business cards up here though, for local crafters if you want.” 

“Nah, s’alright. Just one of those thoughts you can’t stop when it comes in.”

“I hear ya.”

Crowley shook his head, still chuckling over the image of his angel, tartan shackles to match the bowtie. Of course even his imaginary Aziraphale was giving him what-for over his laughing at tartan. He made his way past the video section, rolling his eyes at titles. _“Space Nuts ... Night of the Giving Head ... is that what kids mean by horror porn? Raiders of the Lost Arse?!”_

The demon had wasted a good hour in the shop with no one coming in and it was going to look suspicious if he left empty handed. I mean, it would have been easy enough to just make Ioen forget him, but where was the fun in that? He had half a mind to buy a few copies of Whorrey Potter and the Sorcerer’s Balls and hand them out to innocent bystanders. He was turning around to pick up a few videos to do just that when he saw an advert for something that unlike almost everything else in this shop, other than the Fleshlight, he had no idea what it was. 

“Oi, Ioen, what’s a Sybian?” Crowley made his way back up to the counter. “And d’you have one here?”

“The Sybian? Oh no, I can order one though. They are like £1100. They’re like a riding vibrator.” Ioen went on to describe the device, the options, different attachments, and offered to get one shipped to Crowley’s flat. 

“Yep, done deal. Quick as you can. I’ll pay the extra postage, no problem.” Crowley pulled out his blacked-out credit card and signed off on the purchase. “Thanks Ioen!”

Crowley headed home, smiling wickedly despite knowing it would be a few weeks before he had it in hand, as it were. More time to plan.

~~~~~

The delivery driver grumbled about not getting a tip even after having to walk the heavy box up the stairs since the lift was out of service. Crowley grunted his way into the bedroom laden with his purchase.

He opened it on the bed, and started pulling everything out. Once it was all laid out, he skimmed over the instructions before tossing them to the side. An hour later, he admitted he needed them again to get set up properly. “Looked a lot simpler on the advert.”

Crowley had hunted the internet a bit in the week he waited for it to arrive, saw some videos of the thing in action, and he was _ready_. He set up close to the headboard, he’d want the hand-holds if the videos weren’t exaggerations. He also tacked the directions to the wall, just in case, next to the controller.

He looked at the machine curiously as he stripped down. He had swapped out to a vulva as soon as he shut the door on the delivery driver, and he was wondering how warmed up he should get before testing it out. Luckily, it had arrived early enough in the morning that he’d have plenty of time before his angel arrived later.

Crowley laid down, and started lightly scratching his throat and across his nipples while his other hand was tickling around his mound. He frowned, and sucked his fingers into his mouth, wetting them, before reaching down again. “Much better.” 

His fingers slicked between his lips to tease his clitoris and around his opening. He allowed a few moments of some good onanism, stopping when his hips started bucking up onto his fingers unconsciously. “Nope, none of that … This is for science.”

He came to his knees and took out a small packet of gel, giving the phallus a quick stroke to make sure there’d be no friction issues. Crowley straddled the saddle, positioning the phallus and slowly rocking down until he was bottomed out. 

“Oh, that’s nice, like practise …” He started to slowly ride the phallus as he looked up at the directions. He started the phallus moving first, before activating the vibrator bit. “Ok, so, we flick this switch … ok, yeah, that’s hmm, feels good. And this switch, _oh_ … _oh yessssss_ , I like that.” He rode the gentle movements for a few minutes, leisurely rocking his hips and giving the occasional grind. He decided this was good, but that the women he’d seen testing it may have just been exceptional actresses. 

“Right then, ok, that’s moving, that’s vibrating … Ok, so then I just turn this knob and see wha-SATAN’S BALLS!” Crowley’s back arched as he grabbed the headboard and screeched. Every nerve ending he had, and a few he’d forgotten about, was dancing, firing, sending mixed signals of either riding the ecstasy or just giving up and dying from it. His body jerked and he heard the headboard crack under his grip. He haphazardly slapped along the wall, understandably forgetting he was a demon who could perform proper magic since his brain currently had a detour sign in it that pointed down. He blindly tried to find the controller he had set up until he finally found it by scraping against a corner of it. 

He flicked all the switches off and leaned his face against the wall, panting and groaning. He wasn’t actually expecting it to be _that_ good. He sent up a brief apology to all the videos he had watched and called hokey. The demon looked down between his legs with renewed respect before a salacious smile stretched his lips. “Oh, Hell yes. Let’s go.” 

~~~~~

Crowley decided to stop after 2 more orgasms. His thighs were shaking even after turning off the machine, he was covered in sweat and his throat hurt from panting and yelling. He was leaning on the wall again, the ghost of a smile on his lips. He allowed himself to slide off the machine, to lie on his side. His legs were still twitchy, so he was stuck for the foreseeable future. He spared a quick thought and cleaned the machine of the myriad of wetness covering it. 

He closed his eyes a moment, enjoying the intermittent muscle spasms still running through him. Then, Crowley’s mind, a rather imaginative mind, started slowly whirring. He had started the day with a penis, and was beginning to wonder if this could be used in _all_ physical situations. Before he really decided to, he felt his anatomy changing.

He got up on his knees, looking over all the accoutrements that he had ordered with the Sybian before he found one with promise. It had a shorter phallus, angled for a g-spot. “Well, the prostate is a g-spot, too, right?” There were textured grooves that he planned to rub his cock over, as well.

He quickly swapped out the attachment and applied plenty of lube as he prepared himself. He had a deliciously dangerous grin on his face as he mounted the saddle again. He wiggled just enough to make sure that the phallus was rubbing on his prostate before giving himself a few strokes, making sure he was aroused before leaning on the textured bit of silicone, starting a gentle rut. He had a decent rhythm going when he looked up at the controls. 

Crowley could already feel a shiver over his skin as he rocked on the Sybian, giving just the right amount of pressure on his prostate. “Well, go big or go home, right?” He continued rutting, grinding on the Sybian as he switched it back on and turned up the power. 

His body seized up and his throat locked, letting out no sound as he climaxed, spattering the pillows. 

His eyes went wide and unblinking, and he felt a surge of demonic power expel as his hands landed on the wall in front of him. 

His wings exploded into the physical plane so quickly that feathers came loose. His body shook and thrashed and tears ran down his face as he climaxed again, leaving drips on the wall.

He gulped air, but only noise came out. “Ngk” “Hmn” “Grk”. His eyes rolled shut as another orgasm was milked out of him. 

He vaguely felt his face hit something as he pitched forward, part of his mind supplied a picture of the wall. He fell off the saddle and blacked out.

~~~~~

When Crowley woke up, only a few minutes later, it was in a puddle. Drool, and his own mess, stuck to his cheek and chest. The Sybian was still humming in the background. He felt along the cord, reaching up to turn it off. 

“Need bath. Water.” Crowley was mumbling to himself as he rolled over. He decided this was the best money he’d ever spent, and considering how long he’d been spending money, that wasn’t a dismissable claim. He made plans for how he’d introduce Aziraphale to the machine. Probably keep away from the prostate for now, he’d start small on his lover. 

He got to the edge of the bed and stood up to head to the bathroom. Crowley didn’t even make it a single step before he collapsed with a squawk. Off balance from his quivering wings and knees that apparently didn’t work anymore, he landed. He turned his head, suddenly noticing the damage done. His wall was indented as though a shockwave hit it, and within the damage, there were holes. He could see straight into his bathroom through cracked plaster and broken mortar. His headboard was in splinters. He didn’t have the energy now, but he’d fix it soon. 

The demon decided that it would be best if he just waited for a bit before trying to stand again. He had hours before Aziraphale showed up, anyway. Plenty of time to teach himself how to walk again. 

Hopefully.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this lives up to its predecessor. Thank you for reading, Please comment! :)
> 
> I am utterly stunned, but amazing art was inspired by this story! Please go see (Must be 18+ in Instagram profile!) [Thebeanluwds - Sybian Art](https://www.instagram.com/p/B7ZVPXFlT1j5y0Ce_xc--Tgom9Sju_J1eI_IUA0/)
> 
> I am beyond excited and choked up and please go see and give all the love to thebeanluwds :)


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